Magnetic.

I miss you so much…and I don’t understand this gravitational pull I seem to have towards you.  Thinking of you is a pulling on my heart strings, even after 3 years, maybe more, of absence.  The mere memory of you is slowly tearing me to pieces, but it is nothing I can do to stop that flow of thought.  Every time some funny/amazing/sad/incredible/weird/only-you-would-understand thing happens, I want so badly to be able to share those insignificant moments with you.  You just fit me so well, and I'm so afraid of never finding that perfect match ever again.  The years have flown by incredibly fast; the first year being the hardest.  I have noticed some silver lining of progress, because I don't cry nearly as much as I used to, but moments like this, all progress washes away (no pun intended).  It is absolute insanity!  If you are not close to me at all, at least not in physical proximity, how are you still able to have such a powerful effect on me? I want to feel the nearness of you, to see you smile, to dance with your soul in silence again. I could sit in an empty room with you until I’m old and grey and still be completely in my element. Once upon a time, nothing was allowed to come between us, but now, there are, what seems like, worlds and planets that occupy that small space. I meant what I said when I promised forever, but loving you from a distance is so hard to do for that long, almost impossible.    I can lie to the world, but what is the point of lying to my own consciousness?

The truth is: you are eternally embedded in my heart and it’s only natural that I [still] crave you in my life...and the sad part is, you'll probably never read this knowing it's me speaking.

♥ Love,

Sophia Peony